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Footprints [click here]

(Rock WILK)
May 3, 2009
music and lyrics Rock WILK
all voices Rock WILK
footprints create grooves
in my brain lately
of where I've been
pacing back and forth

relatives dropped off my streets curb
and you always try to twist it to
"it's all relative"
but the truth is
they're all gone
and now
so are you

sometimes it feels
like my time
is used up
like my time
was borrowed time
like wasted time
like where am I gonna spend thanksgiving
this year

and so I count backwards
every toc tic toc tick of my clock
i hit rewind
to find a better place to begin
but the more stories I pass
on my free fall down
to my ground floor
the more I see empty spaces
where everyone has left to go home

I live alone
and I chose this one room apartment
but you see now it burns
And so i scream arson
But the thing is I am this pyromaniac
and that's why I keep stepping backwards

trying to suck back extinguish
my misguided decisions
and alter the course
of this slowly aged path
that I have set in stone

I am a hammer and chisel
So I begin chipping away
i hope to see sedimentary pieces
returning to where they originally formed
moving in reverse
going back to dust and water

like starting again
like do-over
like opportunity again
like second chance
like can't we run that back again

a mind is a terrible thing to waste
and so finally, I'm using it
but what do you look for
when you have multiple paths
a fork of confused messages
parallel self images

I painted colors
that you could never have imagined
even in your wildest dreams
just so someone would notice me
but it turns out that there are no colors
that you could never have imagined
even in your wildest dreams
and so I am a ghost

retracing further
I don't see any clues
i can't find any hair follicles
my fingertips have no circles to mark
and my name is not even what my mother called me

My mother didn't even birth me
but she did give me my second name
and that's nowhere to be found
because i erased it
felt the need to go out there
and make one for myself

and my father?
well, he tried to act like blood
but I rejected him like mismatched transfusion
even though I was bleeding to death
and i didn't even know why

turns out my first father
never knew me
was disconnected
and like a seeping hemorrhage
he must have slowly dripped
into my veins
clotted right at the axis of my spine
obstructed my central nervous system

this anxiety must have informed me
in a language obviously
I didn't understand
but I am a seeker

and now i am a time machine
so vacuum me back to all the dirt
so I can sift thru
and find fossils
like prehistoric clues
because I'm hoping that perhaps I can fix
what has already been broken

what would I be like if I wasn't Rock
so I looked for my first documented moment
my birth certificate
my birthday
my "mother for a day's" name
my official number
my hospital
my first name
is David
like a king
but that's no answer
because unless we're speaking in metaphors
there is no such thing
as a king anymore

so I hit pause

and then start
begin to create impressions
with the bottom of my feet
in sand now

I am less rigid
I'm in a different place
my gait taking me
directly to the edge
of this vast ocean

I'm looking
way beyond what I could ever have seen
from my old perspective
and so I become a seagull
I have a birds eye view
I could fly to unchartered panoramic visions
at a moments notice

lighter like the feathers on my wings
always ready to take off
from this salted unbordered sandbox

my old footprints are sea foam
washed away
Like old jeans
Like childhood t shirts
Like love letters
Like emails saying goodbye

dropped pennies, nickels,
perhaps even diamonds
But it's all just tattered baggage
just loose change to me
And you see seagulls don't have any pockets
so I leave it all behind

unencumbered now
with each flap
up and down
I am reinvented
singing melodies of hope
free to build a brand new nest

and finally
I become an oyster
I crawl out of my shell
turn it around
and listen as closely as I can
for your voice
the most beautiful song ever written
I memorized it
the first time I ever heard you

I have finally made myself available
like starting again
like do over
like second chance
this is the opportunity
that I asked for
that I have created

and I am ready to accept it
this time
and as an oyster
I come with this opulent pearl
my perfectly completed circle
and all of the wisdom it has accumulated
to get me to this place

I can finally offer it to you
as brand new
so please
take it
put it in your mouth
And hold it there for a moment

and taste me
savor it
for as long as you can
and then
when you can no longer stand
to have me on the brink
of being inside of you
For even one more second

swallow me whole
Step forward with me
In this neoteric moment
And we'll create footprints together