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Gift Pass [click here!]

(Rock WILK)
May 27, 2009
music and lyrics Rock WILK
in the case that you think I've forgotten
well, I haven't left the station yet
been sitting here waiting
for this damn train to leave
and they won't let me off
so I have no choice but to be patient
and wait

and so I pull up my hoody
take out my ipod
and put on my headphones
that are always connected directly
to the input of my own woofer and tweeter
turned up to 10 speaker

pointed straight up in the air
pushing waves in stevie wonder stereo
dancing right to left
I am a preamp pushing soul
outputted thru my vibrating tongue

imported audio
recorded firmly in every cell in my body
exits from between my lips
from bottom
like bass bumpin' from Bed Stuy car
to top
like tenor runs and riffs
from Timberlake to Eminem
i'll even go old school
like Boys to Men
it feels like something's heatin' up
can i leave with u?
i don't know what I'm thinkin 'bout
nearly leaving with u?
OK, I guess I might be annoying some of the people on this train

at least there's a bathroom
and it's a good thing I brought some food with me
'cause it looks like it might be a long wait........

I have internet access on my phone
so I can always browse around Facebook
type in your name
look at that little picture of you
that they let you look at
even if you're not "friends"

I'm sorry I "delete friend"-ed you that day
I guess it was too hard to see
that you were having this whole life without me
especially given the fact
that just a few weeks earlier
you told me that your whole life WAS me

the conductor wants my ticket
he asked me where I'm going
I told him I really have no destination in mind
and he looks at me like I'm crazy
until he looks at the ticket YOU gave me
and he sees that I'm traveling with an unlimited pass

he punches a hole in the ticket
hands it back to me
and says
"good luck my friend"
he says
"that is a gift pass"
a gift pass?

that made me think
and although my brain has been stuck where my heart used to be
dropped down when you disappeared
slow motion bare knuckled me
right thru my sternum
and busted thru my ribcage

[and i got the black eyes and broken teeth
somewhere in the pit of my stomach
where my feelings are still digesting
to prove it
i've been constipated ever since]

swallowing the conductors words
was like snaking the drain
rewound my mind
unchoking it's way back up
returning to my ear, nose and throat area
i could hear myself breathing again
my brain back where it belongs
finally receiving enough oxygen
to think clearly
and so I got to thinking

a gift pass
Meeting you was like Bible
Like Solid ground
Like Exact truth
Like Blind faith
Was Exclamation point
but as quickly as you could say "shift H"
you question marked me

unzipped my skin
crawled all up in me
chewed my insides
swallowed me
and then said
"sorry, I hate to eat and run, but......."

and as grand and beautifully ferocious
as this tsnami was when we met
now the shoreline was quiet, still, vast
filled with an entire imagination
you were gone

and I spun down
dizzy free fall
dropped into a new neighborhood
standing in the middle of unfamiliar avenue
I was starting from what felt like my ending
'cause you see 2 and a half years with you
was like birth
to child
to adolescence
to married
to new house
to creating new life
that would have been my first blood relative
to death do us part
to convinced we'd keep doing this
over and over and over again

but it didn't work out that way
so I inhaled deeply
and began again
got my hands on a local newspaper
with thousands of listings
and armed with this massive new toolbox
that you bought for me

and the knowledge that I could build anything that I wanted
word by word
connected and solidified
with adjectives and verbs

you see you were the first person
I had ever written a poem about
and so slowly I began to understand
that thru all of this sadness
my profound sense of loss

I realized that… you know what?
when we first met
I was treading water in the middle of nowhere
I had lost all of my belongings
I was at that exact point where oceans meet
a place best described as having no real significance
floating in undefined seas
deciding which way to swim
Sharks in every direction
Could hardly keep my head above water
About to just let it go

And then I saw you
And you dropped anchor
You life rafted me
you love at first sighted me
You tended to me
Pumped the water out of my lungs
Breathed into me
Mouth to mouth resuscitated me
healed me from what felt like my terminal illness past
you held me safe
You took out your multi colored needles
and tattooed yourself all under me
You acupunctured me from the inside out
you loved me with no metaphors

That's what you gave me
Showed me I was worth loving
You dreamed with me
Spoke of possibility
You enabled me
And then
You left me
Much better off than I was before I met you
I was lucky to have had you for as long as I did
You left me
with a gift pass