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Rock WILK: Blog

BROKE WIDE OPEN will go on...

Posted on March 8, 2013
There are so many reasons why BROKE WIDE OPEN is such an amazing project. First, the fact that I was able to face my biological beginning for the first time in my life, and I mean to REALLY face my feelings, I mean, I had done a search a few years earlier for my biological mother, but it was really just a curious search, and when I found the wrong woman, I was satisfied with that. That I had conducted a search, did the best I could, and came up empty, but I felt like I had explored enough to be OK with it all, but the truth was that I was still dealing with some issues that eventually had to be dealt with one way or another, and so, unfortunately, it took my entire life falling apart, the loss of my adoptive mother and then the slow demise of my marriage to bring me to a place in my life where I was really ready, and so, the journey of BROKE WIDE OPEN began, and it started with my album. Riding the G train from Brooklyn to Queens, back and forth all day, then getting on the A train and riding uptown to downtown, from Brooklyn all the way up to the tip of Manhattan, and then all the way back to Queens and back to Brooklyn, I really started to dig in, to finally explore who I was and WHY I was, and what followed and actually continues to this day has been the most cathartic experience, but also has included so much loss, which I feel is part and parcel of the entire process. In other words, I honestly feel like I never could have found this work, none of this last 6 and a half years could possibly have happened, if everything hadn’t fallen apart first, and so, that makes it all very bittersweet, because nobody likes loss, and as much as I understand it all sounds so romantic when it isn’t YOUR life, when it IS indeed you, it is very painful. It’s more than just painful. It’s life altering. It’s frightening. It’s evolution at its most intimate level, it’s vulnerable, it’s raw, the deeper you get into it, it becomes uncontrollable in some ways, this whole process is something that is really very hard to describe, because how do you explain that something as beautiful, something as provocative, something that is this magnificent work of art can be so hard? How do you explain that? The answer is, you don’t. And that’s the key to all of this for me, this is not something to describe or explain, there is no documentary that could be made that would really represent what I have experienced better than BROKE WIDE OPEN itself. There is nothing better than the art, the play, the music, that could ever even come close to having someone understand what it feels like. I KNOW that if you see BROKE WIDE OPEN, that is the best way for me to share this journey with you, it’s in the work, and it will live in there forever.
I have already written a new play, but I know I need to make sure BROKE WIDE OPEN continues to live and breathe as well, because as much as my part of the story is complete now, the writing, the creating of the physical manifestation of my heart and soul that is this story, the making of the play is complete, I know the story is not done yet. I have never met anyone who is blood to me, and I probably never will, but I feel like as long as I continue to share this work with the world, I am creating my own blood, and so that is what I carry most precious as part of my story, the sharing. The past 6 and a half years have been about the sharing. The writing on the trains. The developing of my work on the streets and in the parks in and around New York City and Asbury Park, NJ and eventually across the country and even extended to London, this time of my life has been about connection. It has been about not only the performances that I have shared with so many people, but also the Q&A’s after so many shows, the conversations with all kinds of people, I mean, BROKE WIDE OPEN has brought me to a sign language school, I have sat with 40 kids in the foster care system in another country because of this work, group home kids, I have received support in honor of people’s deceased relatives, newborn babies, I have had the most intimate parts of people’s lives entrusted in me thru their words simply because I’m the guy who wrote and performs this story, the sharing has been the thing that has changed me forever. I am about to lose what is most precious to me in my life now, the only person who feels like family to me is moving away and taking my mother and my memories and ME with her, IN her, and I’m proud and excited for her, but like BROKE WIDE OPEN, it’s bittersweet because it is just another loss. Well, I guess this is the point, it’s NOT “just another loss”, but it’s part of my journey, and it is making me realize that, more than ever, I NEED to make sure BROKE WIDE OPEN continues to live, because I am in complete understanding now that I am NOT home yet, because HOME could not possibly feel this lonely and isolated, and so, I will, with every breath of me, keep this journey moving while continuing to grow into new projects, but I will not let this stop, because if I do, there is nothing left for me. My search is not over. BROKE WIDE OPEN helped me to find myself, but I still need to get home, and I will, eventually. BROKE WIDE OPEN was pure joy right up until the very end of my Off Broadway run when business got involved and made everything feel ugly for the first time. I learned a lot from every part of my journey, and one thing that will never be taken from me and my story again is the joy. I am moving forward to a new play now, but I will continue to serve BROKE WIDE OPEN as well, and who knows? Maybe someone who looks like me will show up one day. You never know. But one thing I DO know… as long as BROKE WIDE OPEN lives, everyone I’ve ever loved lives, and everyplace I’ve ever been lives. Forever. In BROKE WIDE OPEN.